Deuces 2018, you were weird
Better late than never on the 2018 reflection post, but here we are. You have to look back at the past in order to appreciate the present and prepare for the future.
I get it, you can't really prepare for the future too much, no one knows what will happen tomorrow BUT I will tell you that in 2018, I took the biggest leap of my freaking life. There were plenty of signs and turning points in my life that obviously led me to this point but I did them on my terms by myself, all alone.
I'm sure it sounds like a broken record at this point but it's because every single day is a learning curve in this new life I'm building for myself and you guys are just reading the journey. (I'm sorry? You're welcome? Thanks for reading along :) )
I went home to the San Francisco Bay Area during the holidays and grabbed coffee with one of my high school best friends. We were reminiscing on how long ago high school was and where everyone our age was in their lives. It sometimes feels very overwhelming when you compare yourself to others your own age. You feel like you're not living up to your best potential because others are living THEIR best lives while you just scroll through your phone to see another vacation in Greece, yet ANOTHER engagement, 2nd baby announcements, closing the deal on buying a home etc.
Especially now that social media is literally a part of our every day lives. Comparing yourself to others on filtered photos is literally a designated time in our morning routine, commute to work or preparing to go to bed. How weird is that?!
So full circle, I spent the last few days of 2018 in my hometown of Concord, CA with close family and friends looking back on how I got to the point of where I am in my life today. I don't know if it's because of my age or maybe I just stopped giving AF but I really don't care what people from my little hometown think of me anymore. Maybe because I moved away and I don't have to be caught up in running into anyone at Starbucks or the mall for small talk.
I feel like in 2018, I learned to be completely selfish and be okay with it. It may seem like a very stupid thing to learn but I became okay with traveling alone or with another person. I learned my own self worth, what I don't want to compromise and what I truly want in a loving relationship. I learned that although I can go 3 full months of working 7 days a week, no breaks on 2 hours of sleep a night, I will definitely be burnt out and shut myself out from the work for about a week straight. I learned that if I really put my mind to something, tunnel vision and all, I can actually achieve it. I learned to open my heart up again slowly and with caution when the time was right. I learned to stop listening to what other people think is best for me, even if that is my very closest friends and immediate family because only I know my own limitations. I also learned that I CANNOT sit in an office and work a 9-5. I hate it beyond belief and I'd rather stab my eyes out.
In 2018 I was selfish and REALLY stopped caring what people thought of me. In the long run, my heart, mind and body are feeling a little more at ease than when I was home in California. This past year was the year to step back, reflect and bring my life back to a happy medium. Starting over and realizing what I want out of life and not listening to other people anymore. This past year had a lot of hurdles but I had to remind myself that I've been through WAY worse in my life and this was nothing.
So if you're still reading my little rant, 2018 was weird. I was selfish, I stopped caring what people thought and just kept moving along. I'm hoping something in my life would stick, so long as I keep making myself happy, everything will fall into place. Or so they say... I don't really know yet but stay tuned for more of my 2019 adventures. I'm sure this year will be filled with some amazing things to come!